Not good enough.

I have this impossible need to do everything myself. I don't know whether it's that I'm cheap and I don't want to pay to have someone else do the things that I feel like I can do (or learn how to do) or if I am just afraid of losing control.

But I've got to stop.

As many of you know, I'm launching a new business.

And I did what I've always done when I started building out the business. I've tried to do it all myself. I did all the graphic design, the website design, the planning....

And this week I got put in my place. You see, I've decided to do it differently this time. I decided to actually hire experts to tell me how to accomplish what I want to do with this business. Because this one's gonna be a great business (Hey, I've got 3 kids to put through college...) and I don't want to muck it up.

In that way, it's the same as sobriety. I have a tendency to get in my own way. I have to let go of what I think I know and let others do what they do best. I have to take their advice (It is, after all, what I'm paying them for...).

And I'm ready to do that. Really, I am.

But it's not always an easy pill to swallow.


This week, I was told by not one, but two, of my experts that although my logo is cute and my website is cute, they're not worthy of the business. That if I really want to treat this business as it should be treated and get the best return on the investment that I can, I needed to have them look more profesional. And that I should hire other professionals to make them the best that they can be. Like real business people do.

**deep breath**

It was like getting punched in the stomach. It was the feeling of the pride that I had in what I had spent countless hours creating with my own hands crumple at my feet.

And I said that I had to think about it. Because I was a little bit shocked.

And because I HATE change. (I'm an addict. No more. No less.)

So, I thought about it. I thought about it for hours. And hours. And hours. I asked myself over and over again, "Why is it that you don't want to do this? I mean, it is an investment, but not a relatively large one, so it's not the money. So, what is holding you back?"

The more I thought about it, I figured it out. It was that old thing that my Committee always told me.

It was the fear.

And it was real.

It was the fear that my best wasn't good enough. I've run from that fear my whole life. I've fought and fought to stay one step ahead of it.

But it is time to confront it.

And I decided.  It's time to admit that I don't know how to do everything (nor should I).  It's time to swallow my pride and take the advice of the experts I hired.

Even as my Committee laughs at me for my weakness inside my head.

You know what though?  I'm ignoring them.  Because, as always, they're wrong. 

And I'm not going to let the fear hold me back.

Just Keep Coming Back

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