|You ever have someone constantly whispering in your ear?|
What if that someone is you?
I have an ongoing monologue that ranges from the amusing to the absurd. I credit lots of it to the Committee, but I credit a lot of it to just being me.
I don't know if other people have this much noise in their heads, but I know I do. It's why things like yoga don't work for me. I can't still my mind the way you need to. Meditation doesn't work for me either.
I was told by someone that the great thing about exercise in general is that it gives you the ability to clear your head and not think. Um, nope. Not me.
I'm not gonna bore you with an entire workout's worth of random thought (because you'd probably go insane), but I'll give you a small bit of what went through my head while I was on the treadmill this morning (and keep in mind that I'm moving at about 13 miles per hour while doing this)... And, no, I'm not kidding....
Hmmm, what's on tv? HGTV. HGTV. HGTV. Hmmm, it was here yesterday. Damn. Oh, there it is. Have I been walking long enough yet? No. Not even 2 minutes. WAHHHHH.... What a drag. Oh boy. Why do women have to feel like they need to talk to each other while they're working out? And how do you manage to text and walk at the same time? I'd fall on my face. Oh hell, that one's running and texting. That's a whole skill set I can't even imagine. I wonder if my stomach looks big in this shirt...Who am I kidding? Doesn't have anything to do with the shirt. I wonder if the last person to use the treadmill wiped it down. Ewww. I wish I could run. I'm in better shape than a lot of these runners. Why can't I do it? Stop with the pity party, idiot. It's not helping...Hey, I'm walking faster than a lot of them are running. Deep breath. Cough cough...What the hell is that? My eyes are watering. Baby, that perfume you bathed in doesn't quite drown out the smell of the cigarette you just finished. And, while you're at it, a large Dunkin' Donuts coffee isn't what most people carry on the treadmill. I'm no workout expert but think it might be the reason that your ass is jiggling like that. Is my ass jiggling? Gotta remember to do the glutes machine. Don't want a lard ass. Where the hell did this song come from? I don't remember putting it on my iPod. What the hell was I thinking? I can't stand women who go to the gym and don't need to put their hair in a ponytail. What the fuck? I'm here, sweating like a pig, and she's looking all pristine. It's not fair that I have to work to get in shape and she's not doing anything. Fuck her. How much time left? Only at 4 minutes? You've GOT to be kidding me!
Ok, so you get the idea. My mind is like that all the time.
I can't imagine what it'd be like to have quiet. It must be lonely. I mean, if you don't have an ongoing monologue, what does your mind sound like?
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