Parts of me do remember. And always will.
But what I realize as an adult is that I don't have the ability to keep my kids from getting hurt. And that SUCKS!
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| My little boy... |
My 7 year old has problems in school. He's the youngest kid in his class. And taller than most of his class by about half a head.
As a little girl, I had the problem (come to think of it, I still have the problem....) and it was very isolating. I remember being made fun of for being a giant. Being looked at as if I was a freak. Having people laugh at how awkward I looked.
Because he's a boy, his problems are different. He's a gentle, sweet, mild mannered boy. He's not an athelete and he's not a fast runner no matter how hard he tries. He's artistic and bright (though he struggles with classes). He's funny and wants to help everybody.
But there are other boys in his class that want to fight him to prove that they're strong. They pick him because if they can beat up the biggest kid in the class, then they feel better about how small they are. So they pick on my son.
And there's no way to stop it.
I've spoken to the teachers. Seats have been rearranged and the lunchroom and playground monitors are supposed to be keeping an eye on it, but he still has problems.
It breaks my heart, but I know I can't solve them for him. We talk about what bullies are and what that means. We talk about the best ways to stop the problem.
Part of me wants to tell him that it'll stop.
That we'll move far away when school ends (which we are) and that no one will ever bully him again.
But I don't lie to my kids. (Well, except about the tooth fairy.)
There are always going to be bullies. There are always going to be people who want to tear you down to make themselves feel better. I have those, even today.
So, what do you do? I've told him what I know.
I know that the less interested you act about what they're saying and doing, the more likely they are to go away. I know that confronting a bully is safer than running. I know that being strong (even if you're only pretending) is what you can rely on.
But I don't know if he's old enough. Or strong enough yet.
So, I sit on the sideline and hope with all my heart that he finds at least a couple of really good friends at his new school. Because that's all you ever really need... Just a couple.
You don't need to be the most popular kid. You don't need dozens of friends. You need a couple of real friends who stick with you no matter how the prevailing winds blow.
I know how lucky I was to have that. They are the people who understood. Who got me through when life was tough.
To those people (they know who they are), I just want to say, "Thank you."
Just Keep Coming Back.
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I've experienced everything your son is going through! My mother prevented me from getting skipped from kindergarten to 2nd grade, and then from 4th to 6th grade because she was worried about the teasing I'd get for being so socially awkward. I found a couple of good friends who accepted my quirks...I still have these friends and the quirks!
ReplyDeleteGirls...that will be different. It's going to take a special girl to like him, when all the other girls will conform to what their friends say. So encourage him to be thick-skinned, while remaining true to who he is. This works for me!
Oh Lord, do I go through that with my kids! I have 3 kids of my own and a niece that I raise. We went through that several times. Some times I have lost my cool, sometimes I have kept my cool but I do understand first hand the frustration of having your child bullied. One time my older boy took some two month acting really strange and sad to tell me that this guy was kicking him around, his backpack and calling him gay and stuff. I, tried as I could to keep cool but sure as sure can be, the next day I was at school and I told the vice principal that; first I was going to try and do the right thing, which was rely on the school to protect my son but, that, also I was cousins with the Butcher, the famous bandit that got the nick name for slicing up its victims. I also signed up my son for Jiu Jitsu and talked to him about the science of fear. Bullies pray on people's fear and if you have none they can't hold you. To make a long story short, the bully was removed from the school within a coupe days. We came to find out that my son was his fifth victim. A couple good friends is great but we need to empower our kids to face whatever it is and to act fearless even if they don't feel it. Cause you can't always rely that the friends will b there. My son is very artistic as well and although jiu jitsu is not his strongest talent, it did help him with confidence.
ReplyDeleteCrying as I read this. GULP. Beautifully written.
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