Resentment rears its ugly head....

So, let me tell you what happened.... (isn't that how all stories where someone's gonna bitch start?)

More and more and more and more.... Yum!

As my regular readers know, one of my year goals for 2012 is to get back to the weight that I like to be before bikini season.  Actually, the real goal is to go to the beach on Memorial Day week in a bikini and be comfortable with it.  This requires not only weight adjustment but also muscle strength work and quite a bit of emotional and mental work as well.  (Because going to the beach in a bikini is easy.  Going to the beach in a bikini and being happy with how you look is UNBELIEVABLY hard.) 

Anyway, for the sake of the argument, I'll tell you that my goal weight is about 32 lbs lighter than I was on January 1st. 

And I'm doing pretty well. 



I'm down about 21 lbs.  And I've been working out about 3x per week, so the shape of my body is changing as well.  And that's great.

But it's not easy. 

I mean, I have three small children.  There are chips and donuts and cupcakes around every corner.  Even the amount of fruit and cheese that I have in my house at any given time presents temptation.  And my kids eat pretty healthy.  I can't imagine what it's like for someone whose kids eat only junk food....

Yeah, yeah, yeah.... I know... I'm getting there... Keep your pants on!

My mother LOVES to bake (so do I).  She loves to send my children cookies.  And usually she sends a package every few months with a different kind of cookie each time.  My kids call her when they're close to finishing them and she sends another box.

Not easy for me (since I love cookies too), but I understand it's not all about me.  (See!  Progress....)

But at this particular moment, I'm annoyed with her.  And, to tell you the truth, it's worked its way into a teeny weeny bit of a resentment. 

She knows exactly how hard I'm working toward my goal.   And it's obvious to me that she doesn't give a damn.

And I'll tell you why.

Three days ago, I got a large box from my parents addressed to my children.  It was FULL of cookies.  Three different kinds.  And not small tupperwares either....

Ok.  I called my mom.  I thanked her for the cookies and mentioned that it seemed like an awful lot of cookies... 

And yesterday afternoon UPS rang my doorbell.

Another huge box from my parents. 

Filled with.... what can only be described as a trough of..... more cookies.

[deep breath]

And, of course we called my mother to thank her (because I was raised that it's the polite thing to do... and it is).  I said to her that I really wish she didn't do that because it's making it very difficult for me.  She replied, "Well, they weren't addressed to you."

Fair point.

But I'm the one that pays the rent and they're living in my house.  And, of course, because my kids have seen them, I can't just toss them.

So I'm stuck, sitting in my kitchen, working.  Looking at this huge pile of cookies. 

And not eating them.

Which fucking sucks.

But when you're an addict, the first thing you're supposed to do when you get a resentment is share it with another addict.  So, here you go. 

And I'll be over it tomorrow.  But for today, I'm irritated.  Because in my (admittedly sick) mind, it feels like she doesn't care at all about me or what I'm trying to accomplish....

I know it's not true, but that doesn't change how it feels. 

Oh well, tomorrow's another day.

Just Keep Coming Back

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