Thursday, October 20, 2011

Drinkin the Kool-Aid

I think I've mentioned it before, but I've got some issues with oppositional behaviour.  Stop the pretend shocked face and the hysterical hyena laughing.... Yes, I can see you from here....

No, really.  Cut it out!

But anyhoo... I'm not a joiner.  And that might just be the understatement of my lifetime. 

I don't get sucked into the program...

Not with religion.  Not with AA.  Not with business programs.  Not with anything.  Ever.

I can't let myself go like that.  I'm not sure if it's the Committee that keeps me from doing it or if it's just my innate skepticism.

Sometimes I actually wish that I could.  I mean, hey, people look like they're having so much fun.  But my brain just doesn't work that way.

I question everything. 

And I mean EVERYTHING.

I wonder what I miss in being so jaded.  (Hey, to be fair, I'm also able to see the stupid shit that I don't do because I'm so jaded.)

It's one of those things that I'm not sure whether it's a character defect or not.  I feel like it might be.  But I'm not sure that I'm willing to let go of it. 

I'd feel stupid drinking the Kool Aid.  So far, I don't think it's hurting me much, so I think I'm keeping it. 

How often do you drink the Kool Aid?

Just Keep Coming Back

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Posted by Deena Fischer at 7:45 AM
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1 comment:

  1. Hmm. Interesting topic. If by drinking the kool aid you mean choosing a higher power and committing to it, I think we all end up drinking some sort of kool aid; we only get to choose which kool aid. If you mean taking some things on faith, even if they feel contrived, I think we have to do that too.

    But if you mean that when we try something and it doesn't work for us that we feel like we have to drink it down anyway, then I'm with you 100% - it's not kool aid; its hemlock.

    For me, I have lost more from being afraid to commit than I have from "keeping my options open" or "maintaining a (so-called) healthy skepticism and distance." What I've thought sometimes as independent space has been isolation.

    And it's hard to tell. That's why I need my tribe. Because I'm an addict and because, alone, what the hell do I know about what's good for me?

    Grateful for your candor and fellowship.

    -david

    ReplyDelete

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