They call it HALT for a reason.

HALT Dammit!  HALT!

You know, after this many years sober, I shouldn't screw things up anymore. 

No.  Before you ask, I didn't use....

Maybe I'm being too hard on myself.  I'm human.  I screw stuff up all the time.

Like today.


I'm working on about 2 hours of sleep today.  Not my favorite choice.

I decided today that I need to lose 15 lbs, so I'm on the first day of a diet.  Not my favorite choice either.

My kids are going on visitation with their father tomorrow (well, 2 out of 3) and I'm already feeling lonely. 

So, I did something really dumb. 

I sent someone an email that was very emotional and blew a situation WAY out of proportion.  Because sometimes I still do stupid stuff....

In pretty much every meeting that I've ever been in, there's a sign on the wall (there's lots of signs that contain different slogans, mnemonic devices, tenets, etc. but that's not the point of this particular conversation) that says:

H.A.L.T. - Hungry Angry Lonely Tired

When you're any of those four things, you're supposed to stop and pay attention.  You need to take care of those needs before doing anything of any importance.  Like drinking.  Or using drugs.  Or sending emotional emails....

Stupid.  Stupid.  Stupid.... [banging head on desk]

Sometimes, I think I'll never learn...

I managed to send that email while I was at least 3 of the 4.  At this moment, I don't know how my mistake will turn out. 

I hope I didn't hurt someone.  I hope it works out.  But it's out of my hands now....

I guess this is as good a time as any to discuss what you do when you do something stupid like this... Well, the first thing I did was to call my sponsor and tell on myself while I was making dinner.  I ask the person not to read the email (which, of course, didn't happen).  Then, I apologized for it. 

And now it's out of my hands. 

So, I wait....

And hope I haven't screwed up my life too badly...

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