Are you right? Or are you happy?

We love a good power struggle

Addicts are control freaks (more on this in another post).  No two ways about it.


It's not only addicts that have the problem.  Lots of people have an unending need.  A need to be right.  A need to "win" the argument. 

About everything.  Even about things that aren't important.  The need to be right is consuming.

In fact, the need is so bad that we destroy our own happiness to get it.  We lose sight of the bigger picture.  We forget all about the goals that we're trying to reach and become embroiled in a battle to "win". 
I'm not exactly sure why.

But we do. 


We need to be right.

Or at least we think we do.  And we think that being right makes us happy.

But it doesn't. 

As my mom says, "Sometimes you have to lose the battle to win the war."  (Yeah, I'm fairly certain that she didn't make that one up. But I'm giving her credit because that's where I heard it.)

Here's the thing...

And it's a hard thing for me to say.... But I think my mom is right.

Whew! 

That's a tough admission to make for me. 

Don'tcha hate it when you find out that your mom was right about stuff she told you when you were growing up... But she usually is.  Not like the, "Wear a sweater, I'm cold" kind of stuff that she told you. But important, life lesson-y stuff...

Tastes like vinegar coming out of your mouth sometimes, but there it is...

Sorry, shiny object

But I've learned something over the years of my sobriety  (Wow! That makes me sound ancient....  Nice!)...

Paying attention?  This is the important part:

You can either be right or happy.  You can't usually be both. 

I decided a long time ago that I'd much rather be happy than right.  In fact, I'd MUCH rather be happy than right.

Not saying that I don't still slip down the slope sometimes.  I definately do.  Particularly with my kids.  Sometimes, I get so wrapped up in getting them to do what I want them to do that I end up arguing about things that aren't important.

And it's times like that where I have to stop.  I take a deep breath (which is something that cures a multitude of problems, in my opinion...) and remind myself that it's not nearly as important to be right as it is to be happy.

Though it's sometimes (who am I kidding? Usually.) hard to concede the fight, in my experience, it's often better to lose the argument than spend your life unhappy and resentful. 

I'm not saying that you have to give in all the time, but it's important that you ask yourself when you're stuck in an argument about something that is, in the general scheme of things, unimportant:

Would I rather be right? Or would I rather be happy?

Which one do you choose?